23. My Favourite Insulin Spike (chocolate cake)

I'm aware I've used the expression "cake day" incorrectly here.

What's your favourite insulin spike? I love a good pie or crumble or gelato (and believe me, I loved me a good gelato this weekend. . . pistachio, to be exact), but I just can't get past chocolate cake. Although I take issue with the precision and general fussiness of baking, a moist, luscious chocolate cake is worth it in the end, and pretty fun to decorate, too.

On Saturday, I thirded a well-reviewed recipe on AllRecipes.com, substituting strong brewed coffee for boiling water, and baked it in my (well greased!) 2.5 qt. glass mixing bowl (seen here). The depth of the bowl caused the baking time to nearly double, but the cake ended up the perfect size and shape. And because chocolate cake without strawberry filling is no chocolate cake worth eating (okay, that's a lie), I boiled a half-pound of sliced strawberries with a few spoons of sugar and a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar (I would double this next time) until thickened and cooled it slightly before adding a little bit of my own version of a French Meringue Buttercream:

3 egg whites (I had a carton of pasteurized egg whites for meringue experimentation.)

pinch salt

2/3 cup white sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup butter, softened and cubed

Whisk whites with salt until very foamy. Add sugar gradually until the whites are at the stiff peaks stage. Add vanilla. Add butter gradually until incorporated. It will look a little barfy for a minute, but keep whipping and it will come together. 

The cake was crazy moist and chocolatey, the filling added just enough interest to break up the choconotony, and the icing was perfectly light. Next time: I might add even more coffee and balsamic, and I'd be just as happy with a classic 7-minute or whipped cream-based frosting.

I highly recommend celebrating nothing with chocolate cake on a rainy day. 

22. Bamboleo. . . (jambalaya: cabbage edition)

Let's be real here for a second: we're all getting fat. I mean, I'm not getting fat. I look great. But I mean, generally, you know, as a culture, and as we age, our arteries are getting fatter if not our waistlines. Okay I'm getting bored of this but what I'm trying to say is that we should all eat more cabbage. One, because it's full of vitamins and fiber. Two, because it's sweet and crunchy when it's raw, and sweet and soft when it's cooked. Three, because it can taste great in a lot of unexpected places. I mean, not THAT unexpected. Still in food.

A friend gave me the idea to use shredded cabbage instead of noodles for added nutrition in salad rolls, which tastes great although it facilitates rice wrapper breakage. I would recommend adding cabbage in its many forms--savoy, bok choy, napa--to stir-fries and fried noodle dishes like pad Thai, and to soups. But my favourite such addition is to jambalaya.

We know from eating cabbage rolls that rice, meat and tomatoes lend itself well to the vegetable, so when I came across this recipe I knew it'd be da shit. I did change the recipe based on my taste and what I had, but I think I improved it. Here's my version:


1 small chicken, cut into recognizable chicken parts (reserve back and neck and all that nastiness for stock)
2 hot italian sausages, chopped
2 onions, chopped
1 red pepper, diced
3 cloves coarsely chopped garlic
1 coffee mug raw brown rice
1 medium head cabbage, shredded
1 can (14 oz) tomatoes (I used diced fire-roasted, which really just means it has brown bits)
olive oil
water
lots of salt and cayenne

In a big pot, brown seasoned chicken parts in olive oil and remove to a plate. Add sausage to the pot, get it a little brown and add onions, pepper and garlic. Reach for the cajun spice but instead grab and pour in wayyyyyy too much cayenne. Stir in rice. When that stuff is brown and soft and whatever then add the cabbage. It will seem like a ton of cabbage but just do it. It will release cabbage juice and cook down; stir in canned tomatoes, then water according to your rice directions (I used long-grain brown rice so I needed a cup and a half of water), then lay the chicken on top and simmah until your rice is done. Mine took about 25 minutes.

Best part? You don't have to make side veg! You just ate all that cabbage! Live long and prosper, homeboy.

21. A Selection of Eats

Given that it's been like a cricket riding a tumbleweed (see: Between Two Ferns) around here the last couple of weeks, I thought it might be fair to post lengthily on a number of eats we've enjoyed but I haven't written about. In reality, 70% of my meal planning consists of me standing in the middle of the kitchen wondering what to do with half a can of beans and a few bendy carrots. The following dinners were inspired when I had an avocado going brown, corn tortillas going stale, tofu going rancid. . . just kidding. Is it?

First up is a meal I love: rounds of soft egg tofu coated in potato starch and fried until golden, topped with a sweet-and-sour pineapple sauce.

I made up a totally super authentic sweet-and-sour sauce made of the following:

1 can pineapple chunks or tidbits
1/4 cup each ketchup and white vinegar
1 tbsp potato starch (or cornstarch. . . or maybe even flour)
2 tsp soy sauce

and added it to a saucepan with 1/2 a sauteed, sliced onion, stirring until it looked good. I served it with brown rice and steamed broccoli.

Next we have a meal that I like to ghetto down or dress up depending on what I have: tacos! My favourite homemade filling is spicy black beans with corn and cumin, with mango salsa and avocado slices. I like to place each corn tortilla in a hot pan with a little oil, add the filling, fold and fry until crispy. It's a little messier and less healthy, but she worth it. Here was my chicken version a few weeks ago:

I was putting together the chicken filling while cooking up a pot of rice and beans for lunch the next day when I decided I wouldn't mind some of that rice and bean business inside the taco. I combined the pan's contents with the pot's and diced up a quick mango salsa (yeah, I love the mango), mixed chopped avocado with corn, lime juice and cilantro and grated a handful of sharp cheese. Tasty, and big bonus: we had enough for lunch. The red stuff in the glass was my first attempt at sorrel, which was drinkable but not grandma's. 

Finally, I can't go too long without a sweet, sticky chicken-on-the-bone dish and wings happened to be on sale:

All my chicken looks the same.

Sadly, I don't really remember what's in the sauce but I do remember how I made it. First, I chopped off and discarded the wing tips and separated the wings. I seasoned next, then placed them in a single layer to broil. While they were browning, I mixed up the sauce in a skillet on low. When the wings had little brown bits all over I pulled them out and added them to the sauce, stirring on medium until the sauce was thick and stuck to the wings. I made it this way because I favour a sticky chicken wing; if a crispy or slightly charred wing is your preference, I recommend marinating the chicken then cooking it in the oven as the sugar in the marinade will caramelize in high heat.

I know the sauce had honey in it, and garlic, and maybe mustard and possibly Worchestershire sauce.

Why won't you stop being sideways!

Boiled baby potatoes and steamed green beans with lemon on the side.

Eat these things. And other things. Then tell me about it. Peace.

20. What Do You Call a Pig's Best Karate Move? (pork chops)

My memories of eating pork growing up are restricted to thinly-sliced boneless chops cooked at least 10 minutes per side in garlic butter, rendered grey and black and brown and nearly indigestible. Eyes bleary with pan-smoke we chewed and chewed until our respective salivas rehydrated the once-vibrant pig*. Normally a more than capable cook when charged to create a meal with ground, sliced or diced meat, Ma sometimes erred on the side of leather when confronted with a slab. For years I assumed this meant I disliked pork in all non-cured incarnations, but as it turns out, a little brine and a little breading does much to supplement Ma's not-always-edible but always appreciated secret ingredient: love. 

With this recipe as a guide (have you noticed I like her?) I managed to whip up a moist-on-the-inside, crispy-on-the-outside set of chops with smashed** potatoes, onion-apple relish and salad in a half hour flat.  

Here's my quick method for the whole meal:

- Place pork chops in salted water. Heat oven to 425 degrees. Set a medium pot of water to boil. 

- Procure 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs (I pulsed a dinner roll in a food processor to panko consistency) and add salt, pepper and thyme to taste. Spread on a baking sheet and shove in the oven while it heats. 

- Slice one apple and 1/4 of an onion. 

- When breadcrumb mixture is toasted, remove pork from brine and dip into flour, then egg, then breadcrumbs. Place on baking sheet in oven for 18-20 minutes. Add baby potatoes (or 1-2 inch potato chunks) and two garlic cloves to now-boiling water. 

- Melt salted butter in a pan and add onion and apple. Get some colour on them if you can, then add 1/2 teaspoon of honey. Deglaze with water and simmer until it cooks down. 

- Whisk 1/2 lemon's worth of juice into a tablespoon of olive oil and whatever else you want in your salad. Flip pork chops. 

- Check potatoes for doneness. Drain then add butter and salt to taste, placing back on hot burner. Gently smash potatoes with back of spoon and roll around in the melted butter. 

- Remove pork, mix greens with vinaigrette, and plate with apples and potatoes. 

30 minute meal. Suck it, Rachael Ray***.

* Oink

** 

*** I don't actually have a problem with Rachael Ray except that her show is intolerable.